Today started bright and early at 4:30am.... so more early and early, minus the bright. I swear, at some point I will get this jetlag/time difference thing worked out! Hopefully soon, because I have been exhausted since about 6:30pm when it got dark, which is not going to work out for me....
Today was quite the day; we started off the morning going to the traditional market to get fruit and bread for breakfast. However, I was NOT given the memo by the guys to wear actual shoes and not flip flops... and after walking through the market, I have never wished for a pair of tennis shoes more in my life. The market was chaotic and crowded, but definitely an eye opening experience. Hundreds of people sit out on the street, selling different fruits, veggies, meats and other things every morning. We walked through lots of people selling vegetables, and then got to the section of the market where people were selling meat. After working in food service for years, I definitely had a hard time not being grossed out at the way everything was just sitting out in the open in the heat... definitely not sanitary. There were people killing chickens in the middle of the market, beheading and skinning frogs, and fish that were still alive and flopping out of their baskets onto the street. After getting through all of that, we got to the fruit. We bought bananas, pineapples and rambutans, which were very odd, but delicious if you could get past the texture (the fruit inside the shell is kind of like a big grape without its skin). It's crazy to me that you can buy enough fresh fruit here for 7 people for breakfast and spend maybe 3 dollars.
After breakfast we had an orientation of sorts, where we learned about the history of Cambodia. This country has such a troubled and dark history, full of war and conflict, and today we got first hand experience of the history, which was definitely enlightening and horrifying at the same time.
The Kingdom of Cambodia is predominantly Buddhist (92% or something like that), so there is a lot of Buddhist influence in the culture and every day life. Today we visited Wat Phnom, the most famous temple in the city, and the temple around which the city was supposedly built. It was definitely a culture shock for someone like me, who grew up in the Christian church and have never been heavily exposed to any other religions. The temple was huge, and had many different altars around and outside, where people could light incense, place flowers, or put offerings to Buddha. It was definitely an educating experience, and was a good way to learn about the religion of the majority of the population here in the country so we could know how best to outreach with them. After this though, the day got much more difficult to process and handle.
After visiting the temple we went to former S21 prison, which is now the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum, where thousands of innocent Cambodians were tortured and murdered by the communist Khmer Rouge government. The prison was first a school, and was then converted when the Khmer Rouge came into power in the '70s. They tortured thousands of people, Cambodians and foreigners alike, forcing them to confess to crimes which they had not committed, and then killing them. There were only 7 known survivors out of the hundreds of thousands killed, and they were only kept alive for the skills they could provide to the government. We were able to walk through the different buildings, which contained different artifacts (beds, restraints, torture devices), and then a picture of a prisoner who was actually found in the prison when it was overthrown. Just walking through and seeing these things horrified me, knowing that so many people suffered and died. As we walked through the next building, there were different pictures of thousands of the prisoners who were killed in the prison, men, women and children alike. It felt as if they were staring at me, pleading with me, yet knowing even then what their fates would be. I can still see some of their faces as I sit here, and it breaks my heart to think of the suffering they endured for no reason other than the corrupt judgement of an evil leader.
From the prison we went to the Killing Fields at Choeung Ek, where thousands from the S21 prison and other prisons were brought to be killed by the Khmer Rouge government. Since the genocide and overthrowing of the Khmer Rouge, the goverment exhumed the site, turning it into a memorial for those who were killed. We walked through the fields, and even though there were no depictions of what happened there, in my mind, every where I looked my mind kept imagining the atrocities that happened there. There were open pits everywhere, where the bodies were thrown after being killed. The prisoners would be trucked in and dumped, and if they weren't processed and killed as soon as they arrived, they were put in a holding cell until they were killed. The government kept DDT on site, in order to spray down the bodies after they were murdered in order to both disguise the smell to neighboring farms and to kill those people who may not be fully dead. As we walked around I could just imagine the horrible things that happened there, and picture the bodies laying in their shallow pits. The thing that got me the most, though, were the trees. There were 2 trees that were of importance on the grounds. One was called the "Magic tree" where the government would hang speakers to drown out the sound of the moans of the tortured and dying people. The other was a tree that soldiers would beat children to death against. And at first, when I was entering the grounds, I felt extreme heartbreak that someone could devalue human life enough to commit a genocide like that.... and as I continued walking and saw the trees and the pits where children where buried, I began to get angry, which I didn't expect to happen. I had assumed I would cry, but not tears of fury and anger at those who could commit such atrocities and murder so many innocent people. I kept thinking about it the whole way home, but after debriefing I came to terms with how I felt. After talking with the team, I learned it was ok to be angry at the injustice that occurred, and to let that fuel the desire in me to see justice brought out in this world, but that I was in no place to judge those who committed those crimes and that those who committed those crimes would ultimately have to face judgement, if not here in this world, then in front of God. I may wish judgement upon those for their sins committed in these acts of torture and genocide, but my sins are just as equally deserving of death and judgement as well. Whether we commit mass murder or commit a small white lie to someone, we have sinned against God; a sin is a sin is a sin, and no matter what it is, it separates us from God. Instead of being angry and demanding that these people "get what they deserve," I need to be more Christ like in that I forgive them and pray that they were able to reconcile with Christ and accept his forgiveness before they died as well. It was very humbling for me; a reminder to be less judgmental of others and more loving, and I hope that when I leave here that will continue to be something that I pray for and try to attain back in the states.
Today was a very tough day for me emotional, mentally and spiritually, but I know this is only the beginning. God is SO going to use my experiences on this trip to break me and open my heart more fully to him. This is only the beginning, and I am both ready and anxious to see how God will continue to work in me on this trip.
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