Today started off early, with us leaving for another trip to the orphanage today. We told them the story of Abraham, and it was encouraging to see how many of them had already heard and knew the story. We did crafts and games with them, and then, all too soon, it was time to go. As I left I was just so sad, wondering if I were to come back, would those kids I saw yesterday and today even still be in good health or even alive? It was a sobering thought, and one I am still turning over in my head this evening. I know that death happens for everyone, but to think of these small and beautiful children wasting away from this awful, horrible disease is almost more than I can bear.
From there we bought supplies and went to a village outside one of the trash heaps near the Killing Fields. These people literally sift through rotten, putrid refuse looking for items to recycle day in and day out, as whole families, to make a profit of maybe a dollar or two a day. It was awful seeing it, and thinking of where they live, and how they are considered the lowest of the low here. However, there was an inspiring story and a miracle out of this village: A man named Moen, 23 years old with a wife who was pregnant and due any day, fell nearly 50 meters from a tree 4 months ago. He was paralyzed from the waist down, and was sent to a hospital. He literally laid on a wooden board for days at the hospital, ignored by the staff due to his lack of money and the severity of his situation. Brett, the man we have been partnering with here, paid for an ambulance to taked him to a different hospital where they would treat him. Phil and others at Steps of Justice raised money to help pay for his treatment. Now, 4 months later, he came home yesterday. He has regained feeling in his legs and can slightly move them. For him to be alive after a fall like that is remarkable; for him to have feeling and slight movement is a miracle! We were able to meet him, his wife, and 3 month old baby today. We brought him a care package and prayed for him. It was such a blessing to see a prayer I had in the states 4 months ago come to fruition and be seen before my own eyes. It was honestly one of the highlights of my trip, and seeing the joy on his face was beautiful.
Today has been one of the longest days of the trip for me so far... Not because of being super busy, but just a weariness and feeling of overwhelming hopelessness. I keep seeing so many things, and I feel like God is breaking my heart over what breaks his, but I feel like I am not even making a difference. I'm too overwhelmed to process everything, and everyday I keep adding heapfuls to it, without getting through the events and experiences from the days before. I don't know why God has brought me on this trip, and all I can feel is complete and utter failure; for not understanding why I was called here, for feeling like I have accomplished nothing, and for feeling extrememly lonely and outcasted from the group (when that isn't the case, but I still feel it nonetheless). I just pray that our last day of ministry tomorrow would revive me with purpose and reveal God's will to me, that I might be able to understand (at least partially) why he called me here.
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